Saturday, August 1, 2009

Dating your best friend's ex - Is it worth it?

This heated debate about dating your friend's ex is something that will always give the gossipmongers plenty to smile about. Wrong or right, dating your mates ex is one of those sticky issues that has the potential to ruin many friendships.
A romantic chemical connection between two people is sometimes as strong as gravity itself. And regardless of who or what stands to get hurt, the gravitational pull will see a connection happen even if the two connectors just happen to be your ex and your best mate.
One of the first points of concern you and your ex will come up against is friends you both have in common. Can you imagine turning up to a friends BBQ and running into the new happy couple. How awkward. In the long run, what normally happens in this scenario is one of two things - 1. The new love birds will totally snub you and continue to mix with the same group of friends that you also hang out with eventually dividing your friends into groups loyal to either you or the happy couple - 2. They can't bear to face you and your once mutual friends and disappear never to be seen or heard from again.
Would you consider dating someone who has been with one or more of your friends? Actually it's quite common in small townships, universities, and at work. And if you were prepared to date someone that has been intimate with some of your friends, what about if you ended up marrying this person, would you feel comfortable inviting several of your friends who may have had sexual relations with your partner in the past? It's a tough call.
If a romance is strong and well balanced, excepting each other's baggage is a good sign of the potential strength the relationship has and is a tremendous foundation.
Should you seek permission to date your friends ex? Not as such, but use some common sense. If your mate is still grieving over the bust up and it's a fairly recent split, show some restraint and chances are you will still be able to maintain your friendship as well as move forward with your new love interest. It show's great character on your part if you put your friend first until the timing is right.
If you are serious about hooking up with a friends ex and you have genuine feelings for that person, make sure that he or she has moved past that relationship and there is little chance of it re-kindling or you are set to come off second best in the long run.

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